All Things for my Good, Even the Bad Stuff

Karen and I were both feeling great about the podcast we had just recorded. I said goodbye to her and then went to finish looking after my camera and audio. I still hadn’t saved the audio, but it looked good. I pressed the “save” button. Suddenly the computer screen went blank and Audacity, my audio program, disappeared. It had crashed and all our interview was gone.

My heart sank. What was going on? This was already the second time I had recorded this section of Karen’s story. The first time I recorded it, I had not noticed that the camera had shifted or that I was in a different spot, so when I went back and viewed it I saw that only half of my face was visible. Karen had graciously agreed to come and redo the podcast.

To make matters worse, when I had done the very first interview with her (the first interview I had done with anyone) my old camera that had worked well for me for years would no longer load onto my computer, and we had to redo that podcast as well.

Karen had said she didn’t mind starting over. She had said the first one was just a practice run. She understood. But now this was the second time she had come for a remake of a podcast, and this time she had to travel through a snow storm to get here. There was no way I was going to ask her to do it again.

The podcast was all about the piece of land that had connected our lives to each other. We had both related our part of the story on this remake, and we knew it had worked out well. But now it was gone. A wasted effort! Why had this happened?

After the initial shock, and a few desperate attempts to recover what I had lost, I sat down and had a talk with my Lord. “OK, Lord,” I prayed, “I don’t know whether this is an attack from Satan, or some kind of a test, or You trying to tell me something. But Lord,” I said, “there is one thing I do know for certain! You said in Your Word that ‘all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.’ I love You, and I know that you have called me for your purpose, and that this podcast is part of that purpose. So it really doesn’t matter why it happened. That crash is “for good” according to Your own Word.”

One thing that kept trying to creep into my thoughts, even as I prayed, was the question, “Was it my fault for not remembering to saving the audio immediately?” It was part of a problem I had tried to deal with all my life. I had been accused of being careless by almost every teacher I had ever had growing up. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. I tried desperately with everything in me, but my brain seemed to have its own problem with crashes. Every time I tried to think what I was leaving undone, my mind would crash and go blank. The same thing happened whenever I sat down to an exam, or tried to spell a word. (That’s why being an author is such a huge miracle for me!)

My brain hasn’t improved much with age even though I have worked out ways to cope. But I have learned to recognize that even my brain crashes are part of the “all things” in that scripture, and I can give thanks because I know that He is working even that for my good.

I was still facing a current problem. What was I to do about the podcast that needed to go out? It didn’t take me long to realize that the interview where I had cut off half my face was still salvageable. I really didn’t have much choice. I have the ability to crop my videos, so I would just crop me out of most of it. What was left, would just be a reminder to me that it’s not about me anyway. After all Karen has such a great video presence, and besides, I hate seeing myself on camera.

But that left another problem. In the last video we did and lost, we told both our stories about the land, and how they converged. The one I am publishing has mainly Karen’s half of the story. Now I will have to tell my half by myself. It’s fine if there is interaction, but now I will have to go solo with my side with no interaction. But again I am just trusting His leading, learning day by day to rest in the promise that He has everything under control.

I trust Him. Even in those frustrating moments where it would be so easy to beat myself up, I trust Him and rest in the knowledge that even in this, He is gradually shaping me into His image for my ultimate good!

For the previous blog see: What Books Do You Read to your Children

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